Logan Paul, KSI, Steven Bartlett, and most recently Dwayne Johnson are not the only ones to have launched beverages in recent years. Now, an unprecedented partnership of politically elastic Catholics is joining the fray with Cath Cola Zero.
Cath Cola Zero, a new drink with “all the great taste of Catholicism with none of the truth,” will be hitting the gullets of gullible voters later this month.
This delicious drink, marketed by a strange partnership between former US president and failed Conservative leadership hopeful Tom Tugendhat seeks to meet a gap in the market for those who want to vote Catholic but don’t want to oppose the killing of babies or the promotion of homosexuality.
Tom Tugendhat, speaking at the 2024 Conservative conference said:
“I’m really proud of equal marriage. Let me be clear for those of you who don’t know I’m a practicing Roman Catholic. My religion defines me, it demands things of me. It doesn’t demand anything from you. You are free to do whatever you want”
Later in the same discussion he said:
“I’ve already said I’m Roman Catholic, that’s me, and it determines a lot on how I think about life. Of course it does. It defines how I must live my life, not how you must live yours”.
Former president Biden, who has been clear about his Cath-Zero faith, did not give a statement but is said to have enjoyed Cath Cola Zero intravenously during a recent hospital visit.
Meanwhile the Lord of the universe is not taken in by any of this. A spokesperson representing His organization stated:
“Our Lord said to the church of Sardis, ‘Because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.’ This should be of grave concern to all Cath-Zero drinkers and anyone else who expresses a zero-calorie attitude towards faith in Jesus Christ.”
So, if you want great-tasting Catholicism without the truth, get your Cath-Zero today. If you want a great saviour, repent and turn to Jesus Christ while you still have time.