Kim Leadbeater’s reputation has been cast into doubt following accusations that her ancestor beat, bent, and manipulated a piece of lead without its consent.
A piece of lead pipe came forward last night, claiming Leadbeater’s great-grandfather subjected it to abuse, stating, “He beat me with hammers, hot irons, and bending rods until I was thoroughly out of shape.”
The MP for Spen Valley was pulled from a celebration party marking the success of her Terminally Ill Adults (End of Life) Bill to be questioned by the Society for Malleable Metals. No further action has been taken.
The pipe added, “Leadbeater talks about the right to die, but what about my right not to be a pipe?”
“All this autonomy and choice talk is driving my materials mad. They all think they can do things they can’t and shouldn’t“
Brian Biscoff
A spokesperson for the MP’s team responded: “Kim’s ancestor’s profession was not abusive and has no bearing on Kim’s life or work. This pipe is clearly being manipulated again, this time by the religious right, in an attempt to drain her reputation following yesterday’s crushing defeat.”
The owner of the pipe, builder Brian Biscoff, was spotted in the early hours of Saturday morning shouting and manhandling the pipe into his beat-up white van. When questioned, he stated:
“All this autonomy and choice talk is driving my materials mad. They all think they can do things they can’t and shouldn’t. The media is making it worse. I’ve got a hedge trimmer appearing on LBC, a cement mixer on Radio 4, and a waste pipe that’s secured itself a permanent role on Heart FM. Nothing wants to do its job anymore!”