The Abortionist

Labour MP Invited onto British Hokey Cokey Team ahead of Hungarian Championships

Amanda Stopheart

In an unprecedented turn of events, the GB Hockey Cokey Team has offered the MP for Hull, Dame Diana Jonson, a place on their team for an upcoming international championship.

“Despite not engaging in sexual activity, really at all, the GB Hockey Cokey team is a proud supporter of female reproductive rights,” said Ian Dwight, the GB coach. “Of course, women shouldn’t be going to jail for killing other people, I mean fetuses.”

Yet their decision isn’t simply ideologically driven, said Vivian Reynolds, the team’s tactical lead.

“What we have seen over the last few weeks in British politics was Hokey Cokey in action. Dame Diane put her amendment in, she took her amendment out, in out, in out, and shake it all about… it was a no-brainer that we would approach her following this performance.”

Dame Diane will now be in the main team representing Great Britain in the Hungarian Hokey Cokey Championship in March. The British team initially pulled out from the championship when they realised Viktor Orbán would be present at the opening ceremony. However, they have since reapplied. It is expected they will drop out and reapply, at least a few more times, before the start date, as is customary for such competitions.

When asked whether they had any safeguarding concerns with having Dame Diana on the team, in what is predominantly an under-5s sport, the safeguarding coach had this to say:

“Dame Diane is a real inspiration and patron. So long as children are already born, she poses absolutely no threat to them.”